Oh, I have so much on my mind. I just moved out of the craziest house. I write everything in my diary so I can post it here and express myself. Living w/ Ralph and Betty, I felt like my opinion didn't matter, that I didn't have a voice... I felt like I was nothing for almost 6 months. My family, but mostly myself, were in constant compitision w/ my temperary housemates. I had to be so unbearably careful of what I said to a certain housemate - that person would switch everything around to make me sound like such an unbearable BITCH. I felt like, no, I literally couldn't say anything from my point of view, someone would relay it to a housemate in a way that made it sound like I was trying to start shit. I was constantly criticized for the way I did certain things when I had limited opportunity - i.e : they felt I was feeding my daughter junkfood 24/7...but I didn't buy the groceries, I didn't have a choice but to feed her the food that was in the house... HELLO!

I don't have my diary w/ me at the moment (I"ve had to come to the library to use the internet). The tech is installing internet on September 18th by noon EST. Oh, believe me, I will be writing many many blogs!

Until then.....

Tara's PREGNANT???

Monday, April 10th, 2006

Tara went to the doctor (Wednesday the 5th or Thursday the 6th) to have her first sonogram. I guess they saw something, but didn't hear a heartbeat. Alan couldn't stop smiling when they got home. She went to the emergency room Friday night (14 hours) and had a D-N-C. She was telling her friend this morning that she really wants to get pregnant again and it really sux she's suposed to wait 3 months to do any sexual activity. She says she has to hurry because when you're older, you can have complications. She's only 20 yrs old for god sakes, you don't have complications (the one's she's talking about) until you're at least 35-40 yrs old. She said she really wants a baby w/ Alan, she's such a dumbass!!! She doesn't know Alan's already started trying to piss her off so she'd break up w/ her. (She complains about always being w/ jerks, but maybe they were all just trying to make her hate them too!) He would be the worst father, at least now in his life. But I guess it wouldn't matter, Betty would take care of the baby 24-7 and not make either one of them do anything anyways. So maybe she should.

Alan hasn't been that much of a dick to me lately, maybe because the baby is no more and he knows he can break up w/ her. He's workin' at a strip club now, w/ Andrew, at Cat Tails. Tara got pissed and threatened to leave him if he didn't quit (he's still working there today, 10/4/06), but she just talks out of her ass.

Betty bought Gracie Easter stuff and more bubbles. Last night she asked if Gracie played w/ them, but we totally forgot, we went to Flea World (like the Mile Hight flea market) all day. Because she brought it up, Grace wanted to play w/ 'em. It was after 10 pm, her bed time Betty required us to set, we were letting her finish watching a show, then go to bed... so I said no, but she could play w/ them tomorrow. Next thing I knew, Grace wasn't in the living room and Betty was doing laundry in the garage. After Betty went back in her room to get more clothes, I went in the kitchen to get a drink. Grace was standing at the door to the garage. When she saw me, she stuck out both of her arms and said softly, "No, no mommy!" I looked in the garage and saw the open bottle of bubbles. She was letting her play even after I told both of them no.

If it was turned around and Betty told me no, and I did it anyway, she'd explode... the shit would hit the fan!!! Preston wasn't on my side. He told me it was rediculous how "far" I've taken the "everyone's against me" thing. I think Betty did it just because it was me that said no, she wouldn've if Preston said it.

I'm so pissed, I can't write... I'm shaking.